tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post5220096615899522946..comments2023-10-11T08:54:40.442-05:00Comments on Unedited: S is for Sneak Peek!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03667521490706435608noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-64297373448693028772010-04-23T19:24:46.809-05:002010-04-23T19:24:46.809-05:00This is such a great excerpt! I feel like I really...This is such a great excerpt! I feel like I really get the voice of the MC here, and it really makes me want to know what'll happen next. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-75430954472413746962010-04-23T03:50:08.432-05:002010-04-23T03:50:08.432-05:00This is great, I want to find out more!!! :o) Very...This is great, I want to find out more!!! :o) Very interestingAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-19444069736038537372010-04-23T03:49:04.623-05:002010-04-23T03:49:04.623-05:00Lovely.Lovely.m.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03651543686862897645noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-52187463765702985642010-04-22T23:12:47.993-05:002010-04-22T23:12:47.993-05:00I'm curious to see where this is going!I'm curious to see where this is going!Tracy Loewerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03597464294035968706noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-5590330562589920922010-04-22T22:14:59.853-05:002010-04-22T22:14:59.853-05:003 thumbs way up! I was born with a birth defect th...3 thumbs way up! I was born with a birth defect that causes me to lie and say I have 3 thumbs.Christopherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17045294003088106262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-3684490754232134282010-04-22T22:04:31.644-05:002010-04-22T22:04:31.644-05:00Really good; I want more...Really good; I want more...Ellahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06070952447277684613noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-63240392912755159642010-04-22T21:44:22.960-05:002010-04-22T21:44:22.960-05:00This is great - it drew me right in! I want to kno...This is great - it drew me right in! I want to know what happened to her, who "he" is, and why is he watching her? Awesome!Susan Fieldshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02433408456603462774noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-60584159064527864912010-04-22T20:46:24.483-05:002010-04-22T20:46:24.483-05:00T.J. - I will share some every now and again, but ...T.J. - I will share some every now and again, but you'll have to wait for the finished novel! I would hate to give all my secrets away!! *evil laughter*<br /><br />Guinevere - Thank you!!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03667521490706435608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-17034050243898889732010-04-22T20:44:42.590-05:002010-04-22T20:44:42.590-05:00Whoa, that definitely made me want to read more! I...Whoa, that definitely made me want to read more! Interesting stuff.Guineverehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10058786129073896210noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-83675894984542254312010-04-22T20:42:59.165-05:002010-04-22T20:42:59.165-05:00wow that sounds awesome! good luck with it and I w...wow that sounds awesome! good luck with it and I will def be keeping my eye out for more excerpts of this one!!!T.J. Carsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13916627399622909282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-18347713288425064492010-04-22T20:30:56.815-05:002010-04-22T20:30:56.815-05:00T.J. Carson - You rock!!! So you won't believe...T.J. Carson - You rock!!! So you won't believe this because you haven't read far enough in yet, however this will be a YA fantasy novel. At least that's what I'm labeling it at the moment!!!<br /><br />Melodygreen - I appreciate the insight and will take the run-on sentences into consideration. I write how I speak and that my friend is where all the run-on's come from! They'll be cleaned up but I'm glad you're enjoying the piece regardless!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03667521490706435608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-37851760612632529602010-04-22T20:28:50.623-05:002010-04-22T20:28:50.623-05:00Kittie - I'm so glad that you are intrigued an...Kittie - I'm so glad that you are intrigued and want to know more! Ouch sorry to hear about your finger!!! It makes me cringe!!!<br /><br />Talli - Thank you that means a lot! I was so excited to be your first fb friend! I'm so honored!!<br /><br />Saumya - Awe you are so sweet! This means so much! I love all the positive feedback everyone has given me!!<br /><br />Jenna - I'm glad, thank you!!<br /><br />Gina - Thank you so much for the advice I will for sure take it into consideration! I realize now that ugh isn't appropriate!! I love your compliment about my writing, that was super sweet!!! I'll remember that one forever!!<br /><br />Robby - Thank you so much!!<br /><br />Karen - I can't either!! Though I must say I'll be glad when it's all over, these A to Z bits aren't easy!!!<br /><br />Janna - Thank you for the advice, this is something I'll be working on from here on out! I think it will take me a few times in the revisions but I'm glad you can still see it's good without that, it's something I can work on!!<br /><br />Lindsay - Revising is important! Keep at it!!!<br /><br />Amber - Thanks chica! That means a lot!! It wasn't intentional, I'm still learning my writing style and the correct grammar and punctuation so I appreciate the help! This is certainly a learning process and I think the periods might help give the piece more strength, more fear... more UMPH!!!<br /><br />Ann - Thank you! I'm glad you find it bold and brave, lol, makes me feel empowered! Ugh is definitely changing! I knew I kept you all around for a reason (hehe!)<br /><br />Kittie - I always love seeing you here! Glad you dropped by again! I do my best, never able to get around to everyone! You are so welcome, the award was well deserved!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03667521490706435608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-60735824694254510682010-04-22T20:28:35.081-05:002010-04-22T20:28:35.081-05:00I enjoyed the excerpt and now want to see more! I...I enjoyed the excerpt and now want to see more! I also have to agree about the run-on sentences... but then again this is nowhere near a final draft and I think having the storyline down is more important than editing grammar at this point. :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-79369638134402826592010-04-22T20:23:57.279-05:002010-04-22T20:23:57.279-05:00Wow this excerpt gave me chills! I WANT TO HEAR MO...Wow this excerpt gave me chills! I WANT TO HEAR MORE! What type of novel is this? Mystery? Thriller? Sci-FI? I LOVE IT! <br /><br />Oh and you have a blog award over on my page :)T.J. Carsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13916627399622909282noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-50489379589831602592010-04-22T20:13:15.260-05:002010-04-22T20:13:15.260-05:00Jen, me again. Thanks for leaving a comment...you...Jen, me again. Thanks for leaving a comment...you've just back in Dodge and already on top of everything. You're amazing!! And, Jen, thanks to your award, I've met so many new folks in Blogville. Feeling the love is great! You rock, Girl! Thank you!Kittie Howardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07756250649095903317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-27023367918082312742010-04-22T19:47:24.803-05:002010-04-22T19:47:24.803-05:00Good beginning to your WIP. I have to agree you a...Good beginning to your WIP. I have to agree you are very brave to share at this early stage. I liked it, the premise is very captivating. I have to agree also with the Ugh. Not really a good expression for the situation that's in it.<br /><br />Looking forward to more.Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07524878248746427258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-4139638079454959192010-04-22T19:21:19.899-05:002010-04-22T19:21:19.899-05:00Wow. This is really interesting and I am so hungry...Wow. This is really interesting and I am so hungry to read more! <br /><br />I adore the stream of consciousness, but wonder if you are intentionally using the run-on sentences. Many of the sentences where you use commas would be better as seperate sentences entirely. <br /><br />Hmm. After re-reading, I am certain this HAS to be intentional.<br />I must know!<br /><br />Here's an example of what I would change, but would such changes make it less stream-of-consciousness-ey? I don't know.<br /><br />"He’s staring at me, watching my movements, which at the moment are motionless, I am knelt down next to my body, frozen, I can’t see his eyes but I can feel him, I can also see the shadow of his face thanks to the moonlight."<br /><br />Mine: <br /><br />He’s staring at me. He's watching my movements, which at the moment are motionless. I am knelt down next to my body. I'm frozen. I can’t see his eyes but I can feel him. I can (removed also) see the shadow of his face thanks to the moonlight.<br /><br />So, there's my two cents! I LOVE the premise and think this teaser is super unfair because I want to read more. :)Leigh Hutchens Burchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13974935740527936303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-41534394706588329122010-04-22T16:38:58.090-05:002010-04-22T16:38:58.090-05:00Great post :)
I haven't got to many blogs tod...Great post :) <br />I haven't got to many blogs today because of revision too.Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04313619484424363895noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-32448543114735162032010-04-22T16:18:34.989-05:002010-04-22T16:18:34.989-05:00I know many have said this, but it's very intr...I know many have said this, but it's very intriguing! I'm curious about what's put her in this position. What events led to the water? Very spooky.<br /><br />I might say, if you don't mind, to watch for telling vs. showing. In the opening, for example <i>show</i> us she's cold and tingly, so we <i>feel</i> it right off.<br /><br />Great job, Jen!Janna Leadbetterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06339705935553160673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-5012204998910481702010-04-22T15:16:40.115-05:002010-04-22T15:16:40.115-05:00Hard to believe you are on 'S' already! Ke...Hard to believe you are on 'S' already! Keep on revising:)Karen Langehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18177923284595298347noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-89789989662452132932010-04-22T14:04:13.680-05:002010-04-22T14:04:13.680-05:00So great! You're a wonderful writer.So great! You're a wonderful writer.Robbyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08235433845392023886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-84546726823570510172010-04-22T13:40:55.432-05:002010-04-22T13:40:55.432-05:00Jen, great excerpt! That was an awesome twist when...Jen, great excerpt! That was an awesome twist when she (and subsequently I) realized she was looking at her almost dead body. I totally agree with Michele about the "ugh" issue. It took me out immediately, and dang it, I want back in! :)<br /><br />Your style is very poetic in nature which I thought was great! You're braver than I for going with first person present. I'm sure once you tweak things it'll be flawless.<br /><br />This was a great piece! Darken it up a bit and we'll have shivers running down our backs while we bite all our fingernails off. ;)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04109677382274000163noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-72959218251879244652010-04-22T13:33:36.799-05:002010-04-22T13:33:36.799-05:00This is great! I am intrigued and waiting for more...This is great! I am intrigued and waiting for more... well done!Jenna Wallacehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07591399291903261245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-48270490062998720642010-04-22T12:19:40.769-05:002010-04-22T12:19:40.769-05:00Beautiful excerpt!! Your first person voice is ext...Beautiful excerpt!! Your first person voice is extremely strong. I'm definitely left wanting more.Saumyahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08517289532769906489noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3122888753760790051.post-11523023487722540422010-04-22T11:46:03.043-05:002010-04-22T11:46:03.043-05:00Very interesting voice and great stream of conscio...Very interesting voice and great stream of consciousness. Interested to see where this is going! Well done Jen!Talli Rolandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04780882465745107715noreply@blogger.com