Monday, May 10, 2010

Mondays tales from the notebook

Here's another snippet from Emily & Tommy's adventure catching falling stars.

I helped my mom with the dishes and ran upstairs to grab a bag, I didn’t have much time the darker it got the less likely my parents would let me play with Tommy.

“The sun is almost down, maybe you should go another time” my mother said as I rounded back around the corner with my bag in hand. This couldn’t be happening, Tommy had promised me we could catch the falling stars and whether this was a trick or not I needed to find out for myself.

“Mom Tommy and I were going to lay out underneath the stars!” we’d done it over a dozen times, and since it was summer school couldn’t have been her excuse “Please.” I asked nicely, hoping that she’d give in.

“Fine but don’t fall asleep out there, and stay close” she said. I wanted to run and hug her but I figured that would be a little obvious so I stopped myself.

“Thanks” I said and bolted out the front door.

Seconds later I saw Tommy standing in between our houses. He looked impatient but I didn’t mind, he wasn’t going without me and now that I was here he could stop his pouting.

“I’m sorry, I had to convince my mom” I told him, not like he cared.

“We don’t want to miss catching them!” he said rudely, “I’ve been waiting all day for this and Elsa wouldn’t be pleased if I was late through the doors” he started walking, and fast, he was definitely in a hurry.

I wondered who Elsa was, I had never heard of her, and in a town where everybody knew everybody that was something to wonder. I followed closely behind him trying not to trip on my own feet, though I was always more clumsy than I had hoped, especially when hanging around Tommy. Everywhere he went he traveled fast, he didn’t wait for lazy bums he always said. I wasn’t lazy but just hurried along side him to avoid getting yelled at.

“Whose Elsa?” I asked once we had reached the outline of the forest.

“The girl who showed me the stars” he asked, as if I should have put it all together. “She lives in Mystic” he said confidently.

“Mystic?” I asked. We lived in Auburn, a small town in Iowa. Nothing ever happened there, and there was certainly no town named Mystic nearby. It sounded like a wonderful name, a place where stars could be caught but I was beginning to think that Tommy had fallen off his rocker.

“Yes silly, the town we are going to!” he looked at me “Did you think we were going to catch stars here?” he chuckled “Gosh Emily I thought you were smarter than that, we have to travel through the tunnel” he took off walking again. “Let’s not waste time” he said.

I was officially confused. A town called Mystic where Elsa lived, falling stars were caught and the only way to get there was through a tunnel? This seemed unlikely since we didn’t have any tunnels, at least not that I know of and I knew just as much of the town as Tommy did. I decided to hush for a bit and just follow alongside him. We couldn’t walk forever, I know Tommy wasn’t allowed to far away from the house, especially at night.

“Here we are!” Tommy exclaimed, his eyes lit up.

A small shack stood in front of us, there had to be over a dozen cobwebs outlining the building. I was nervous, I didn’t sign up for anything scary, and I sure wouldn’t be the first to enter.
“Are you sure it’s safe?” I asked.

“Yes, I’ve been here 4 times already” he laughed. “Come on Emily take a chance”

He grabbed my hand, and I felt more comfortable as he opened the rickety old door, he was confident and I knew he wouldn’t take me some place dangerous, at least not a place he would have though to be dangerous. We walked silently into the dark, I saw a beam of light coming from farther down the shack, I could see why Tommy called it a tunnel, from the outside it seemed more like an outhouse, but from the inside it was elongated, cold and dark, a few lights lead you down a path. At this point only Tommy knew where we were going, I was still nervous.

“Don’t panic” he whispered “You’ll love it here”

After a few minutes of traveling we came to another door, Tommy pushed it open and there was the town of Mystic. It was like nothing I had ever seen before.


**Hope your Monday Rocks** I'm also trying out a new background... still working on it all but right now I'm liking it!! Either blogger is slow today or my blogspot is!! I hope it's not just me!

38 comments:

Matthew Rush said...

Great piece Jen, thanks for sharing. I thought you had changed your background and some other layout items, I like it.

Lisa and Laura said...

Ooh, I want to know what she sees when she goes through that door! Happy Monday, Jen!

Palindrome said...

ooh, I can't wait to see what this Mystic town is all about.

Karen Lange said...

Thanks for sharing this:) Like the new background, too. Have a great day!

Tara said...

Love the background.

That Tommy sure is impatient. She must have a serious crush...

Jaydee Morgan said...

I'm loving the background as well!

And the piece is great. I'm looking forward to more :)

Christina Lee said...

OOOHHH I want to go to Mystic too! ;-)

j.leigh.bailey said...

That was great. Her excitement and trepidation came across crystal clear. I want to know more about this Mystic place where you can catch falling stars...sounds neat!

Lydia Kang said...

Love the new look!
And thanks for sharing the writing! Nice!

Indigo said...

The background is playful, love it! Thanks for sharing. (Hugs)Indigo

beth said...

"The girl who showed me the stars..." Very poetic!

Creepy Query Girl said...

Cool! Is that the shack you commented about that they travel to another world? Great piece!

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

Great piece of writing there, Jen. I like the new look too :)

Crystal Cook said...

Jen I love that!! I'm so intrigued now. I think I recognize a name in there :):) You did a really great job here.

And I never answered your Kazoozle question, I can only find them at gas stations! I hate that, I keep looking but I haven't seen them anywhere else. I want to find a humungous bag because, jeez they are kind of expensive for two little sticks of candy :)

Have a great day Jen!

Jai Joshi said...

Cool! This made me think of The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe with the idea of kids stepping through a doorway into another world or place. Love it!

Jai

Christine Danek said...

I really like this Jen. You have me hooked. I want to know more. :) I like the new background. Very cute! Hope you are well.

Diane J. said...

Oh, I am loving this. I am curious about Mystic. I want to know what she sees, how do they get back, can anyone else just wander upon the tunnel and discover this place or is there some secret, like Elsa only opening the door for certain people. Maybe similar to that Twilight Zone episode "The Bewitchin' Pool" Just a few hints of it.

Anyway, I'm loving these posts and I can't wait for the next one.

Ann said...

That was great Jen,loved it. :)

Erica Chapman said...

Like the layout. Very nice!

Oh that's a great excerpt ;o) I love places that are hidden behind mysterious doors!!

Portia said...

Well done! Nice stuff there :-) And I also like the background! Happy Monday.

B. Miller said...

I like the new look and I really liked this excerpt! Thanks for posting!

Emily Ann Benedict said...

Great snippet. You're good at cliff hangers. :)
And I like the name of your heroine. Don't know why. I just do. ;)

Lindsay (a.k.a Isabella) said...

Great post Jen. I like the new look too. :0

tywo said...

I love love love your new layout!
I like the notebook theme a lot.

Anyway, I like this piece. It's great!

LOVE!

Shannon said...

I love the new look of the blog..and your new pic! :)

Thanks for sharing this piece. It's great!

Joanne said...

There actually is a town of Mystic not far from here. It's a quaint little seaside place, with a great aquarium and seaport with many tall ships often visiting!

JustineDell said...

1. You're new layout is way cute!
2. This is a cute piece ;-)
3. I've missed your blog terribly!

~JD

Talli Roland said...

Interesting! I want to know about this Mystic place. You're such a tease! :)

T.J. Carson said...

Wow really loved it and your background is looking good!!! I want to hear more about mystic and Elsa! Can't wait!

Kimberly Franklin said...

Wow... what happens next???

Oh and I love the new layout!! I hope you have a great day!!

Alesa Warcan said...

Nicely done! I too would like to know what happens next. : j

Jemi Fraser said...

Love the new layout! The dots are great :)

Jennifer Gregory said...

Great story, can't wait to read more.

Eva said...

I'm really enjoying this story, I hope you keep going with it. I want to know more about Mystic now :)

Carolyn V. said...

SWEET! Thanks for sharing Jen! =)

Clara said...

Loved the new layout and I want to know more about Mystic! You grabbed my atention pretty quikly there, this was great, Jen!

Al said...

I enjoyed this extract.
Can't wait to see what happens next.

Al

Publish or Perish

Amy Saia said...

Jen, I really love this, but there are technical things I need to point out which you will be mad at me for at first, then you will, hopefully, thank me later.

Exm-- I helped my mom with the dishes and ran upstairs to grab a bag. I didn’t have much time, the darker it got the less likely my parents would let me play with Tommy. ( I took away the comma and put in a period to separate these two sections, and then added a comma after 'time')

“Mom, Tommy and I were going to lay out underneath the stars!” We’d done it over a dozen times, and since it was summer, school couldn’t have been her excuse “Please,” I asked nicely, hoping that she’d give in. (I put in a comma after Mom, capitalized We'd since the sentence following dialogue was not a description of the dialogue itself. I put in a comma after please, as your narrative after dialogue was in relation).

exm--“I’m sorry, I had to convince my mom,” I told him, not like he cared. (Comma after mom)



You can hit me if you want to, but I just felt it right to point out little details so you can correct them now when you still have time. You're very talented and prolific! And I love you so much!

Don't get all stressed out about this. If you want, I can do a whole edit of this section and send it to you with notes. Once you get all these little things, you'll be rockin'!