Monday, May 17, 2010

Mondays tales from the notebook

The path that lead into town looked like it had been made directly from the rainbow, colors poured over the cobblestones and every step Tommy and I took seemed to brighten them, it made me giggle as Tommy ran ahead and under his feet lit up like christmas tree.

The trees had crystals hanging off them and they sparkled as bright as the stars, this place radiated beauty.

"Come meet Elsa!" Tommy yelled with excitement.

I ran to catch up, it hadn't been fair, he had visited so many times before that I didn't get an ounce of what I'm sure he experienced. I ran up along side him and told myself I'd look at more later. He led me to a small shop that read - INN - It was cute with two little windows and a bright blue door. Tommy entered first and I followed closely behind.

"Tommy dear how are you?" said a sweet voice from behind the counter.

I couldn't see her so I was surprised that she knew that Tommy had shown up. As she stood up I saw the prettiest girl I has ever laid eyes on, beautiful long black locks, lightly curled all the way to the small of her back, her eyes looked like blue ice so elegant and lively. Her voice was a sweet as her appearance.

"A guest I see" she said as she welcomed me "You must be Emily," I nodded "Tommy speaks of nothing else"

Tommy blushed as she spilled his secret.

--This one is a little short, I wrote it on the spur of a moment. I don't think it has enough umph, excitiing enough, but it's what I had written so naturally I post what was original!--

37 comments:

Kristi said...

Love this short little clip and the "feel" of it. It definitely leaves an impression and a curiosity without saying much. :-)

JustineDell said...

I like this. You should keep working on it. ;-)

Psss...my daughter's name is Emily. ;-)

~JD

Aubrie said...

Very cute! I wonder how it develops...

Christine Danek said...

Great little blurb. I'm really hooked. I want to read more ;) Great job!

MissV said...

short, but sweet. Thanks for sharing!

Candyland said...

Nice little Monday excerpt:)

Joanne said...

That it is shorter gives it a change-up, a good spark that surprises the reader. Even style changes are effective in a piece.

Shannon said...

Good Morning, Jen.

I like the scene...makes me want to know more! :)

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

Hi Jen! Thanks for sharing your creativity with us!! Write on, sista :)

Agnes said...

I like it a lot.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

I liked it. It was sweet.

Clara said...

I think it´s very sweet!
Oh by the way, awarded you on my blog!
Cheers!

Jaydee Morgan said...

I liked this too (and I'd definitely read on) :)

Indigo said...

Reading this I was reminded of, Charles de Lint's writing. If you haven't read anything by him, look him up. You would enjoy books. (Hugs)Indigo

Karen Lange said...

The story continues...keep writing! :)

Crystal Cook said...

This is very sweet, and I want to keep reading it! Great job Jen!

Lydia Kang said...

Oh sweet! What happens next???

Carolyn V. said...

Wow Jen! That's great for just spur of the moment! =)

Amy Saia said...

So pretty, Jen. You have such a lovely way of writing things. Reminds me of George MacDonald a little.

Genie of the Shell said...

This is sweet! The three characters all seem nice, but because the narrator is surprised that the girl behind the counter knows Tommy and then surprised at her beauty, I wonder if there will be some jealousy going on...

Emily Ann Benedict said...

It's very interesting. Even though it's short, you do get a lot of description in. :)

Tahereh said...

aww i like this -- very sweet! thanks for sharing :D

Lindsay (a.k.a Isabella) said...

Aww, so cute. I love your Monday notebook tales. :)

Diane J. said...

I love that the girl is jealous that Tommy has been there so many times and that she wants to see more and assumes that she will come back. It is such typical behavior of a kid that it keeps the story in check.

Shelley Sly said...

This is so cute and sweet! Thanks for posting!

Kimberly Franklin said...

Very nice. Not every piece has to be long to be great. Sometimes short is just as good. :)

J. Kaye said...

Love, love, love the last line!

sarahjayne smythe said...

I like this a lot. Yeah, it's short and light, but I like the feel of it. :)

Slushpile Slut said...

Very nice Jen!!Especially for spur of the moment :) Keep it up!

Alissa said...

Nice excerpt. I wonder where this is headed.

Portia said...

Well done! I enjoyed it :-)

Theresa Milstein said...

I think you give a nice visual in this piece. Try to mix some "Tommy" with "he" and "him". It's brave to put a snippet of something new.

Jemi Fraser said...

Nice section here - soft, enjoyable :)

Eva said...

I'm really enjoying this story. I love the world you have created here and I can't wait for the next part.

Creepy Query Girl said...

I liked it- it was very clear and polished with great description. Good stuff!

Talli Roland said...

It feels very magical and sweet, Jen. Like it! :) Happy Tuesday!

kanishk said...

I like this. You should keep working on it. ;-)
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