I think it's super cool when I see tons of my fellow bloggers with DL Hammons name plastered over all of their posts for today!!! Just shows what an awesome bunch of bloggers I'm hanging around with!
Today's your big day DL!! You're a Rockstar Celebrity!!! Go ahead, soak it all up! PS thanks for the muffins!! To check out the others participating go here!
So the piece I'm sharing with you today is part of the very first novel I've ever written. Now I know the original goal was 500 words or less so I tried to remain kind and stay as close as I could, and you'll be glad to know that 504 was what I ended up with! So this is where Lauren my MC finds herself in a not so nice situation with a serial killer! Hope you enjoy!
Someone was in my house. This was my first time to sleep alone in the cabin, and I had hoped it would not be my last. Lying in bed I pulled the covers up to my chin, analyzing the situation. I knew I only had a few minutes, everyone of them needed to count. I heard footsteps approaching, deep powerful steps, I had hoped it was Ricky just messing around but the fear standing on the back of my neck told me otherwise. My heart raced as the footsteps approached my bedroom door, they were coming for me. They could have had anything they wanted, I wouldn’t have told a soul, I wouldn’t have known being so far back at the end of the house, but they wanted me, the goose bumps across my arms only confirmed the truth. I placed a hand over my mouth to prevent from screaming, I wanted to yell for my neighbors but I knew there was still to much I was risking.
Thoughts raced in my mind for a plan, something, anything but when I came up empty I knew there wasn’t time to be upset about it. I needed to move forward. Not making a peep I realized the footsteps had stopped and were right at my bedroom door, any minute this man would come in and I needed to be ready. Quietly I planted my feet on the cold wooden floor and shuffled my feet towards the window, tucking my body behind the curtain, praying he wouldn’t notice.
The door knob turns. My heart stops. Closing my eyes I wish for this thing, this person to go away. I peak around the curtain when silence fills the room and their stands a shadowy figure, slapping both hands over my mouth I quiet the screams, tears burn my eyes and fall down me cheeks. I can hear his footsteps approaching the curtains I found safety in, I know I only have a few seconds to make my move, I remember a lamp on the nightstand that only happens to be a few feet away, my timing must be perfect.
I count for strength and courage I’ll need in a few seconds time, One, Two, Three, I fling the drapes towards the shadowy figure and grab the lamp, he’s quick on his feet and stands directly in front of the bed post, my only way of escaping and he’s blocked it. I rip the lamp out of the socket and swing it at him. “What do you want?!” I scream “please, you can have anything you want, just get out!” tears fall in streams down my face, terrified with my hands still shaking I grip the lamp once more and flail it at him. This is my chance for freedom, only a second as he pulls him self together. Right outside the bedroom door just as I start to feel freedom his hands grab my feet and throws me against the wall, it’s the last thing I remember.
Great piece! I love the tension. :)
Nice job, Jen! Great pacing. Left me wondering what happened next :)
I love the tension, and the fact that you pulled from your first novel. It's exciting to reach into the past and find that it still holds!
Fantastic job Jen!! You do tension so well :) :):)
Awesome and frightening at the same time.
Still as tense as the first time! :)
Scary! Great post!
Tension and drama. You kept my heart racing and my eyes scanning the line ahead. Good job.
My heart was pounding...love it!
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Oooo, great suspense! I was hoping he wouldn't notice her behind the curtain, but I was also hoping he would! Ha ha.
You know...sometimes I just not very bright. Sure, the idea of a blogfest sounds great...but what it really means is that you get to read a ton of great, high tension...high drama material...and then be left hanging. When does that get to be fun? :)
Excellent contribution Jen! Thanks so much for taking part.
Very nice - good pacing and tension and you left me wanting more. My only problem is I believe your writing this in present tense and you slip out of it sometimes.
Oh and I just noticed your blogfest - sounds interesting and I decided to enter.
This was a great post and thanks for sharing. I, too, noticed the present tense but perhaps it's intentional. Either way, the pacing sold me on this, as well keeping the tension curled in my chest.
Thanks for sharing!
That was great, Jen! Excellent tension. This high drama blogfest is a lot of fun, but I'm not sure I can take much more suspense. Wonderful scene!
Yipes! Scary! Nice tension.
Thanks for sharing.:)
Oh my goodness, this is so intense! My heart was racing just reading it. I want to read more!
What a tease piece, all that suspense and fear and angst and then you leave the reader teetering on the edge of their seat and then switch the damn scene off!
What happens next? I must know!
the end of this one really begs for me to read more. great post!
As everyone has said, there's great tension here. Great drama.
I'm following your blog.
Oh, a very scary situation, indeed. Nice job. You switched to present tense half way through, not sure if you meant to do that.
Thanks for sharing, Jen!
My heart was pounding with hers - well done! :)
Great entry, Jen, really enjoyed reading it (even if it did make me slightly dizzy from forgetting to breathe for a second there ;)
Owww... That is high drama!
I loved the pace and action very much. This was the kind of drama that hits folks on a viseral level. Someone in your house. Survival of said attack. I wanted to know why he was there.
Might consider breaking up the paragraphs and dialogue for the eyes. But excellent entry!!!
As others have said, great tension!!
Oh, no! The last thing she remembers? Yikes! Of geez, you've really got me worried for her. I love serial killer stories, this is so up my alley.
Thanks for the scary bedtime reading ;-)
this was so good!
i loved how you ended it!
atta girl, keep us wanting more!
Very tense and suspenseful. You did a great job highlighting an adrenaline-fueled situation.
LOL, DL you make an excellent point! This is classic slasher material so of course I'm going to like it. Definitely drama. So she's dead, right? Spoiler?
Seriously spooky. But what happens next? :D Nice entry, Jen.
Hooray for Blogfests!
Great piece, Jen. Love the tension!
:o) Have a great, new week. :o)
super great writing! I was totally holding my breath when she screamed "take whatever you want just let me out!" So there.
I'm so loving DL's fest. Next time I hope to have time to jump in and play, too! :o) these are so fun to read~
Thank you for your lovely comment. Like your blog! Hope you will become a follower of my blog too?
You write with such tension; I couldn't stop reading. :]
I love reading all of DL's blog-friends' posts! Nice job! Good action!
Good writing! I want to know what happens next. This sounds like a good suspenseful story, James Patterson style.
Excellent entry. Like the suspense and drama..:)
Great cliff hanger and the tension. I felt as if I was with her. Scary awesome!
Jen, as ever, your talent has left me with my jaw open and waiting with wide eyes for the next bit. Dang cliffies.
It was great Jen.
great tension! Nice work, Jen :)
W.I.P. It: A Writer's Journey
Ends with such a cliffhanger....!
Ends with such a cliffhanger....!
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